Yeah, I think not winning did add a lot to the negativity. I'll be honest, I don't have excessive money available to spend on things like CGCookie and Artcamp and all that good stuff, so when I found out that the winners got free CGCookie memberships (however long they lasted) I began to daydream a little bit. But then I got discouraged, realizing that I don't have the ability to place in a contest at the moment. With that realization, I tried to take my focus off of the contest and put it more onto the fun-ness and art aspect of it all, but I guess the futile hope of winning stuck around in the back of my mind. I think you're right that I kind of let it go the last minute because I knew I wasn't going to win anyways. I guess it's that whole self-fulfilling prophesy/mindset thingy where if I think I'm going to lose, I'm not going to try as hard as I would if I had a hope of winning.
I think the whole brush problem was that I had no clue how to use it, and so half the time I spent on the piece was getting some kind of a clue, and the rest was time spent trying to make up for the time I lost. But yeah, maybe if I had had a better mindset for the whole thing it wouldn't have seemed like such a bad thing.
Thanks for the critiques, I'll pay attention to those next time.
Yup. Those videos sum up my experience pretty well. I had seen those before, but I guess even though I had heard them I hadn't taken them to heart. I probably ought to work on that.
One thing, though... Do you think I'm often self-deprecating? I try hard not to be. If I didn't hold back, I would probably say that most of my paintings are junk, but I know that it's not necessarily true, it just feels like it at the moment. I think one reason artists are self-depcricating (at least one reason I am) is because I don't want people to think I'm arrogant or naive. My personality is heavily based on other people. When I want to know what I feel in a certain situation, I assess what others are feeling. When people ask me what I want to do, I tell them I don't care because I really don't as long as they're happy. So when I post art, I see that mine isn't as good as others', and I automatically think that they think my art is bad. It's not so much that I'm comparing my art to others' and feeling bad, it's that I'm worried other people will think my art is bad, and thus think that I am dumb (for lack of a better word). Does that difference make sense? I know that most people probably don't think I'm an incapable artist, but it's a constant struggle to fight that notion. And so then the temptation is to be self deprecating so that they know that I know my art is not as good as theirs. Does that make sense?
Anyways, that was a big long paragraph about my self-deprecation. Did it make any sense? I have a tendency to babble on.
Thanks for the post! I appreciate it.